"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." - C.S. Lewis

Here's to another night of trying to really push myself to stay awake. I haven't had my morning coffee in nine days, and the prospect of another morning without it makes me want to never even fall asleep so that I don't have to try to wake up without it.

Yes, I've been waking up at one in the afternoon because of this. Oh, how little time I have left to be so wasteful.

I am absurdly hot right now but only using the sheets on my bed. At least it helps me stay awake. I don't know if opening my window on a summer night would make things better or worse - at least I'd get to hear the night sounds, which is generally better and less conducive to my nighttime paranoia than silence.

Having so much alone time lately forces me to think. I try to fill my time with Sex and the City or Facebook, but apparently my mind is incredibly capable of fighting off shallow, fluffy things and bombarding me with "bigger picture" issues, such as the Anti-Homosexuality bill in Uganda (which makes me sick to my stomach) or gender roles or small-minded religion (and my open-minded pride).

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off and not think so much.

Your life's a song, so sing along before the silence swallows you.

When the rest of the household goes to bed by 10:30 and I'm trying to stay up until 6 in the morning, I have a lot of time to try and find things with which to waste my time. For example, I started to watch Dexter for the first off but realized in the first five minutes it was probably going to be too gory for me - especially late at night. Then I watched two episodes of this season of America's Next Top Model ... even though I really don't care. I watched minisodes of True Blood and played solitaire on my ipod and kind of took a shower but it was more like standing in hot, running water for fifteen minutes. And now I'm even writing in this blog again!

The only reason I don't write in it every single day is, I think, because I'm a people pleaser (I think?). I don't want to step on anyone's toes or make anyone angry. I just want to be liked ... haha. But it's odd because I don't mind speaking my mind in person (except to certain people who I feel will belittle me for having beliefs which differ from theirs). Unless, of course, I'm just scared of being belittled via the internet. That's probably it more than anything. I know what I believe, and I don't mind talking about it or debating it, I just don't want to be made to feel like an idiot because of it.

Right now I'm thinking of all kind of things I want to say, but I'm too scared to say them. I should never have posted a link to this on facebook, hah.

But being in Troy is nice, though I wish we could have spent more time with my family. I don't actually like Troy, TN. The only redemptive aspects are Clay's family and friends ... but I wish they could've been from ... Atlanta or Nashville or Cincinnati or even Memphis. :) I still tend to love being here, though.

I think there are only 21 more days until I go to Disney World, which is really exciting for me. It's a joy that I hope I never grow out of.

Also, Sonic's happy hour is super satisfying, I still don't comprehend how I got a B in marriage class (clearly my future isn't looking good!), my fingernails are painted green like Shrek, I really want to see Iron Man 2, and only two hours and fifteen minutes until Clay gets off work. I wonder if I'll be able to continue passing time.